"Wanted: middle age black man with sass"
-Michael Scott
"When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe this tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby"
-Dwight Schrute
"Yes. It is true. I Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover'. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
-Michael Scott
"I am always thinking one step ahead... Like a carpenter... Who builds stairs"
-Andy Bernard
"Kelly and I both agreed that we should both have fun, and I'm learning that fun for Kelly is getting married and having babies. Immediately... with me"
-Ryan Howard
"I don't have a lot of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So from time to time I send Dwight faxes, from himself, from the future. (reading:) 'Dwight at 8 am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.'"
-Jim Halpert
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